Emotionally Healthy Leadership: Leading from a Regulated Place

As a psychotherapist and pastor, I spend a lot of time sitting with people’s stories, listening not just to what they think, but how they carry it in their bodies, how their nervous systems respond to stress, and how faith can become a source of healing rather than pressure.

When I speak with leaders, especially Christian leaders, one thing comes up again and again: we’re often leading on empty. Burnt out but still pushing forward. Spiritually sincere but emotionally frayed. And I believe the invitation of God is not just to be productive or impactful, but to become healthy, holy, and whole as we read in 1 Thessalonians 5:23. I love this in every bible version but The Message Paraphrase really connects here:

"May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together, spirit, soul, and body, and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ."

Something I have learnt first hand is that leadership puts us under pressure. And when pressure builds, we tend to default to well-worn nervous system responses, what neuroscience calls fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These aren’t just psychological concepts; they’re physical states we move in and out of, often without noticing.

● Fight might look like micromanaging, snapping in meetings, or controlling outcomes.

● Flight might show up as busyness, avoidance, or overworking to escape discomfort.

● Freeze can mean feeling stuck, emotionally numb, or unable to make decisions.

● Fawn often surfaces as people-pleasing, boundary-blurring, or seeking approval.

We don’t usually choose these responses consciously. But they can shape our teams, our tone, and even our theology.

That’s why understanding your nervous system state is one of the most spiritual and practical things you can do as a leader in my humble opinion.

“Nervous system work is a spiritual practice” Ryan Kuja

The Window of Tolerance

Clinical professor Dan Siegel coined the term Window of Tolerance to describe the optimal zone where we think clearly, connect meaningfully, and respond wisely. When we’re within this window, we’re regulated, able to be present, grounded, and attuned. When we’re outside it, we tip into hyperarousal (fight/flight) or hypoarousal (freeze/fawn).

Leaders who stay in their window create safety. Leaders who constantly live outside it, no matter how visionary, may unintentionally lead with fear, reactivity, or disconnection.

Regulating Practices for Spirit-Filled Leaders

The good news? Regulation is possible. The God news? You are wired for it.

You can learn to notice your state, name what’s happening, and gently re-centre. And you can invite God into that process, not as a distant observer but as the One who makes us whole.

Here are a few regulation practices that combine neuroscience and spiritual formation:

● Breath prayer: Slow, intentional breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming the body. Adding a short prayer phrase (“Inhale: You are near… Exhale: I will not fear”) makes it both physiological and prayerful.

● Grounding techniques: Simple physical cues (like feeling your feet on the floor or placing your hand on your heart) bring your body into the present moment.

● Biblical meditation: Focusing on one scripture and allowing it to settle into your heart rewires the brain's default mode network and anchors us in truth.

● Gratitude: Naming what you’re thankful for, especially in times of anxiety or stress shifts the brain from survival to connection and renews perspective.

● Singing: Whether in worship or alone in the car, singing stimulates the vagus nerve and boosts oxytocin, improving emotional regulation.

These aren’t “extra” spiritual disciplines, they’re essential leadership tools. Not just for your own health, but for the culture you’re shaping.

And so back to 1 Thessalonians 5:23-“May God himself… make you holy and whole-spirit, soul, and body.” That’s the kind of leader I want to be. Not just spiritually sound, but emotionally honest. Not just capable, but connected.

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Jo Hargreaves

Jo Hargreaves is a psychotherapist, pastor, writer, and speaker who integrates theology and therapy, submitting neuroscience to the authority of scripture. Her work points people to Jesus Christ, the lover of our souls and the lifter of our heads, while helping them understand their God-designed brains so they can pursue emotional and spiritual wholeness.

As the founder of Faith Filled Therapy and host of The Faith Filled Therapy Podcast, Jo creates spaces where neuroscience and scripture meet, offering practical insight into mental health, identity, and spiritual formation.

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